The NFL is, for better and worse, a cultural juggernaut. At this point, much of America associates the cool breeze and colorful foliage of autumn with all the drinking, grilling, drinking, discussions of statistics, drinking, trash-talking of rival teams and drinking that accompanies the NFL season. the NFL has its own channel and also dominates the rest sports television this time of year, and that’s without even touching the countless websites, Twitter feeds, podcasts and other internet miscellany devoted to the game. If you want to know all there is to know about a given player, whether they’re improving, regressing or somehow doing both at the same time, the information is easy to find.
Still, only a quarter of the way into the season, it’s not yet time to be giving out awards for on-field exploits. There’s still time for any of the league’s best to make a case for MVP and the Pro Bowl, and the eventual Super Bowl Champion is just about impossible to predict. But if you’re craving to see one of your squad’s players take home some honors, Jimmy Fallon and “The Tonight Show” crew have you covered with their “NFL Superlatives” series, which covered the New York Giants and the Green Bay Packers. Eli Manning’s paleness is just the tip of the iceberg, as awards were given out for all sorts of aesthetic quirks, based only on the honored players’ photos.
All these awards will hopefully distract Packers fans from their hapless owners’ inability to build a team that can get back to the Super Bowl despite having one of the best quarterbacks in NFL history in Aaron Rodgers.
As for the Giants fans, we hope they all realize that any zingers sent Eli’s way are all in good fun, as we owe him a great debt for being the New England Patriots’ incarnated Achilles’ heel in Super Bowl games. You’re the number one Manning in our hearts, Eli; fuck the Cowboys, YOU are America’s team.
The Browns were not featured this week, and so received no awards. “Can’t catch a break,” sigh all the Cleveland fans, whose town is home to basketball deity and 2016 NBA champion LeBron James. Fuck the whole lot of you.