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Once a vocal pot smoker, “Saturday Night Live’s” “resident young person” Pete Davidson recently took a brief hiatus from the show to check into a drug rehab center, and for the first time he’s learning there are 24 hours in a day — he had thought there were only six.

And what does one do with an extra 18 hours each day? “Masturbate,” he tells “Weekend Update’s” Colin Jost.

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“I was on drugs for the last eight years,” Davidson says. “Now I have to get all the bad kids out.” His dry delivery takes a second to hit the audience, which makes it all the more satisfying. Jost doesn’t get it. “I’ve got a bunch of dummies in there,” Davidson points to his crotch. “If I had a kid right now, it would come out with a snapback and a neck tattoo.”


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Being sober also seems to have brought Davidson a new kind of clarity, like knowing to not pick a rehab facility while you’re high. Because that’s how you end up as a guy allergic to horses at a facility with “horse therapy.”

Steve is a humor writer for Rare
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