Rare Humor

5 non-Rob Ford things happening in Canada right now

, Rare Staff

Rare Take

This is why Canada needs Rob Ford. - Richard

Love him or hate him, Rob Ford makes Canada worth reading about.

It seems like a new story comes out daily about the crack-smoking mayor that grips not only Canadians, but citizens everywhere.

Canada is nothing without Rob Ford. Beg to differ? Just check out these five news stories that don’t have anything to do with Rob Ford, and you’ll see why Canada needs this booze-guzzling, drug-loving son-of-a-gun to stay interesting.

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There’s a reason why Canada is the butt of many a joke.

‘Flushable’ wipes clogging Canadian sewers, waste-water officials say

From The Canadian Press:

They’re billed as a fresh, clean alternative to toilet paper — but waste-water utilities across Canada say personal wipes are creating putrid sewage clogs that are costing Canadian ratepayers at least $250 million a year.

Sewage experts in Canada, the U.S. and beyond are cringing at efforts to sell the masses on the need to freshen their nether regions, including a recent ad campaign for Cottonelle wipes featuring a cheeky British spokeswoman urging people in public places to “talk about your bum.”

Manufacturers, on the other hand, say the wipes are getting the bum’s rush from waste-water officials and are perfectly safe to flush.

Riveting stories such as this are all too common for the country of maple syrup and ham-bacon.

Camera-craving cat pounces on CBC crew

From CBC:

While out shooting a story about cameras on school buses in Bonnyville, Alta., northeast of Edmonton, a CBC crew caught the interest of a curious cat with a fondness for cameras.

Canadian sports leave so much more to be desired.

Stampeders’ season ends with mixed feelings

From Associated Press:

The Calgary Stampeders carried the contents of their lockers to their cars at McMahon Stadium with mixed feelings Monday.

A good season, yes, but as star running back Jon Cornish pointed out, people will remember this year’s Grey Cup winner before they remember Calgary’s 14-4 record in the regular season.

“The [Stampeder] teams that were 15-3 back in the ’90s, who is going to remember those teams?” Cornish said outside the locker room.

“I had no clue those teams existed prior to us coming close to the record because we didn’t win championships those years. For me I’m getting older and I care about my legacy.

“I understand that winning championships is part of the game in the CFL. Those are the guys who are remembered. For me, this really emphasizes what next year means.”

Even Canada’s weather wants nothing to do with it.

Canada’s Climate Policy Worst In Developed World: Report

From The Canadian Press:

Environment Minister Leona Aglukkaq arrived at a climate change conference in Warsaw late Monday amid exceedingly low expectations.

A European report released to coincide with the United Nations conference ranks Canada 55th of 58 countries in terms of tackling greenhouse gas emissions, ahead of only Iran, Kazakhstan and Saudi Arabia.

A Washington-based group, the Center for Global Development, issued a separate report Monday that ranked Canada 27th on the environment out of the world’s wealthiest 27 countries.

But Canada has Justin Bieber, you say. That guy does pretty crazy stuff, right? Unfortunately, even the Biebs is becoming predictable.

Justin Bieber’s wild party was filled with strippers, report says

From Fox News:

Talk about a wild night! Justin Bieber reportedly partied with strippers until the wee hours of the morning during a bash at his home this weekend that grew so raucous, police were summoned three separate times, TMZ reported.

The Great Gatsby-themed Friday night shindig included at least 20 strippers, TMZ reported, and Bieber allegedly dished out $10,000 in tips throughout the night.

The gossip site also reported that the 19-year-old’s party was filled with alcohol and weed.

Rob Ford: Number 1 in our hearts.

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