Originals

8 late-night jokes about NSA snooping

by Brett M. Decker |

We Americans might be losing our rights, but that doesn’t mean we have to lose our sense of humor. Here are eight late-night ha-ha’s about the not-so-funny federal surveillance program to snoop on the citizenry:

  • “We live in what’s called an open society, which of course means they open our emails, open our phone records, and open our medical records.” – Jay Leno
  • “Edward Snowden shows up in a hotel in Hong Kong and announces to the world that he’s leaked confidential National Security Agency memos and documents. He’s now gone. Where is this guy? Gosh, if only there was a way to keep track of people.” – David Letterman
  • “I got a call last night during dinner from Verizon asking me if I was happy with my long-distance surveillance.” – Bill Maher
  • “Some experts believe the privacy scandal will hurt the NSA. Are they crazy? Do you know how many people want to join now that they’ve heard the guy who blew the whistle is a high-school dropout, making almost $200,000 a year, with a pole-dancer girlfriend, and he’s living in Hawaii? People are lining up to get this job.” – Jay Leno
  • “If the government has been monitoring my phone conversations, by God, they should be paying half of my phone-sex bill.” – David Letterman
  • “This week a man was arrested for jumping over the White House fence and trying to spray paint a political message. If that guy really wanted to get a message to the president, he could have just written it in an email to literally anyone.” – Jimmy Fallon
  • “The source of the [NSA] leak said he’s hiding out in Hong Kong, marking the first time anyone has ever said, ‘I don’t want to be punished by the government – so I guess I’ll go to China.’” – Jimmy Fallon
  •  “I signed up for a new calling plan today – the ‘NSA Friends and Family’ plan. For $100 a month, they listen to all my friends and all my family.” – Jay Leno

 Brett M. Decker is Editor-in-Chief of Rare. Follow him on Twitter @BrettMDecker

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