In an attempt to emasculate America’s most cherished pastime, the fun-suckers over at the National Football League have taken it upon themselves to prohibit players from using profanity, expanding the existing taunting penalty to include obscene language directed toward individual players.
Trash talking and taunting have been integral parts of football since the sport’s conception and are what make it so exciting to watch. Now it seems like the NFL is heading down a slippery slope where every facet that people find enjoyable about football is being systematically eliminated.
Here are eight things that, given the direction that the NFL is headed, wouldn’t be surprising for the league to remove from future games:
Everyone likes to watch cheerleaders do their thing. So, naturally, the NFL would need to get rid of them.
Two-hand touch would of course be the safer alternative. Wouldn’t want anyone to get a boo-boo.
3. The forward pass
Because passes sometimes require running long distances down field. Not only would this be a safety issue, but would also require referees to make challenging calls. Clearly, the pass would have to go. Certain running plays would also require extra scrutiny.
4. Halftime pep talk
Players must be mellow and reserved at all times.
5. Crowd participation
The NFL senses that you’re having fun. Stop it this instant.
6. Celebrating after a win
Seriously, you’re having too much fun. What do you think this is, the National Fun League?
7. Disagreeing with a call
Both players and coaches will politely agree with all calls made by the referees. Why? Because the NFL says so.
8. Showing any sort of emotion in any way whatsoever before, during, or after a game
Oh, you thought this was America?
Richard Thompson is an editorial intern at Rare. Follow him on Twitter @RThompson_91.
- Report: NFL Expected to Crack Down on Profanity After Altercations Like Patriots-Jets Fight (nesn.com)
- NFL Plans To Crack Down On Excessive Celebrations This Season (washington.cbslocal.com)