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When attending a baseball game, there’s always the possibility of catching one of the elusive foul balls (or home runs) that fly into the stands. If you’re sufficiently attentive and lucky, you can get yourself a cool souvenir to remind you of the game. Often, if an adult fan catches the ball, they’ll decide to be nice and give the ball to a kid sitting near them. Bill Burr thinks that’s a load of crap.

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Burr, ever willing to play the cantankerous old man, doesn’t see why he should give his souvenir baseball to some “mushy and fat” kid. When he was a kid, he says, adults just reached above him and caught the foul balls before he could get to them, and that was that.


“Get big enough and get your own,” Burr grouses.

If your grandpa isn’t around to yell at you, Bill Burr has got you covered.

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