Rare Humor

Fight Club on Capitol Hill: 5 congressional throwdowns we’d love to see go down

, Rare Staff

Posted on

Your mom always told you that violence never solved anything. But after all the failed negotiation efforts and political posturing of members of Congress, maybe a classic throwdown wouldn’t be such a bad idea. A Congressional Fight Club, if you will.

We know that many of you out there have probably entertained the thought of a couple congressmen going at each other, cage match style. Here are a few congressional fight match-ups that we’d certainly love to see go down.

Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.)                 Sen. Harry Reid (D-Nev.)

Why it’s a good match-up: Two big name senators representing the west coast.

Projected winner: John McCain. Both former amateur boxers, McCain and Reid would put on quite the show. But McCain’s impressive military career proves he has that vital intangible to really take a beating and keep coming back.

Rep. Darrel Issa (R-Ca.)                                       Rep. Elijah Cummings (D-Md.)

Why it’s a good match-up: Issa and Cummings have become heated rivals during the congressional investigation of the IRS scandal.

Projected winner: Darrel Issa. Issa’s multiple criminal charges (car theft and carrying a concealed weapon) give him street smarts to come out on top.

Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-N.Y.)                   House Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio)

Why it’s a good match-up: Schumer has been scathingly critical of Boehner during these last few months.

Projected winner: John Boehner. Boehner just looks like he could really throw down if need be.

Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas)                        Rep. Steny Hoyer (R-Md.)

Why it’s a good match-up: Both Hoyer and Cruz have been known for their stirring speeches on the floor.

Projected winner: Steny Hoyer. When it comes down to it, Cruz seems like he’s all talk.

Rep. Peter King (R-N.Y.)                            Sen. Rand Paul (R-Ky.)

Why it’s a good match-up: Though King and Paul are both Republicans, they represent very divided wings within the party.

Projected winner: Rand Paul. Paul’s superior athleticism and strong convictions give him the advantage over King’s New York sensibilities.

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