Life in the closet only delays the inevitable

I’ve been thinking about it, and I have realized there are a lot of conservatives who are in the closet. That’s right. Lots of straight conservatives are in the closet about their support for civil marriage for gay couples. They are afraid that they are the only one and of what conservatives who don’t support same-sex marriage will think of them. Will their friends reject them? Will their local GOP committee ban them?

It’s true that there is disagreement on the right over the issue but closeted support is doing harm to the movement. It’s time to come out and help the issue move to its inevitable conclusion.

The issue of civil marriage for gay couples is like no other public-policy issue of our time. Public opinion has moved faster than anything I can think of — ever.  We’ve reached the tipping point on the issue and whenever the tipping point is reached — whatever the issue — the outcome is determined. We now know that some day same-sex marriage will be legal in every part of this country.

We’ve reached this tipping point because everyone has been thinking about marriage equality differently lately, especially now that it’s been legal in several states for some time.  Gay couples from Maine to California are settling down, being monogamous, getting married, and being happy — just what we all want for everyone. Conservatives are no different than everyone else, and they are thinking about this issue differently now, too. More and more conservatives are coming around to support civil marriage for gay couples because of their traditional values and their desire for the stability and happiness of marriage for their gay friends and family.

So, why are so many conservatives still in the closet about their support for same-sex marriage? Why are so many people still silent? Very few Republicans in Washington have gone on the record about it — or, I guess, “evolve” is the inside-the-beltway term for it. I think that there are several reasons for this.

First, conservatives are usually really good “team players.” We fall in line when we have to, and disagreement is generally discouraged. That’s what we all did last year when we supported Mitt Romney, no matter how uncomfortable we all were with it. I think many conservatives who support gay marriage stay in the closet about it because they don’t want to highlight the division in the conservative movement on that issue.

I’ve heard a thousand times, “Let’s focus on the issues that unite us, not the ones that divide us.” I agree, in principle, with that statement, but I think we have a unique and serious situation with this issue that requires that we address it head on. Staying silent about support for marriage equality actually does more harm to the conservative movement because many of the opponents to same-sex marriage go to the extreme in their arguments, and use rhetoric and tactics that make the entire conservative movement look bad. It’s important to speak out to counter that. When marriage-equality supporters do not publicly stand up and counter those who sometimes go as far as to demonize gay people and oppose homosexuality, then everyone else in America assumes that all conservatives think just like them.

A case in point was just last weekend at the Values Voters Conference where several speakers spoke of the evils of homosexuality, and advocated that gay people change their sexual orientation or keep it secret. The problem was that most of the speakers at that convention, including several potential presidential candidates, don’t share those extreme views. They did share the same platform with the out-of-touch anti-gay speakers — and most Americans just assume that everyone in the movement is all in agreement unless someone stands up and says something.

The other problem when only the opponents speak up is that Republican legislators, who are thinking about the issue differently, too, think that grassroots conservatives all oppose same-sex marriage. Then, they think that they can’t follow their hearts and vote for legislation legalizing civil marriage for gay couples — only serving to delay the inevitable.

You see, what’s happening is that by helping to delay the inevitable outcome by trying to downplay division, conservatives who support marriage equality are only helping to keep that division alive longer. That’s not in the best interest of the conservative movement. The best thing for the movement is for marriage equality supporters to come out and say so — to help move this issue to its inevitable conclusion as fast as possible.

So, let’s not sit around and sweep this issue under the rug or fight about the process. Let’s show America that not all conservatives think the same way about the issue of civil marriage for gay couples, and let’s get this issue settled once and for all. It’s in everyone’s best interest.

Jimmy LaSalvia, a co-founder of GOProud, serves as an advisor to the American Civil Liberties Union’s Out for Freedom campaign.