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Rare Rant: Miley Cyrus “Wrecking Ball” ornaments are ruining Christmas

, Rare Staff

Posted on

Rare Takes

Deck the halls with balls of Miley. - Richard

ENelson pic

Wrecking your ornament balls...with class. -Emily

Who would’ve thought that a former Disney star swinging naked on a piece of construction equipment could spark such a buzz?

Miley Cyrus’ “Wrecking Ball” music video generated countless spoofs and reenactments since its release in early September.

But the latest homage to the three-minute-and-forty-two-second time suck is taking a turn for the festive. Christmas ornaments depicting the twerking twenty-something swinging from a globular instrument of large-scale destruction are taking social media by storm thanks to terrible people who clearly hate the holidays.

We get it, Miley Cyrus is weird. But why does her weirdness have to the ruin the “most wonderful time of the year?”

Seriously, this is the worst thing to happen to Christmas since the release of Home Alone 5. Only the release of Home Alone 6 could possibly top this yuletide travesty.

Christmas, and everything associated with it, is meant to inspire peace on earth and good will toward men. The only thing that these ornaments inspire is mass Christmas tree arson.

The very existence of these ornaments would cause Tiny Tim to proclaim “God bless us everyone…well everyone except Miley Cyrus fans.” It would make Rudolph, Donner, and Blitzen check themselves in to a taxidermist’s office. It would even make baby Jesus himself cry “Can’t I just come next year?”

What’s next? Will Christmas carols become Christmas mileys? Impossible, you say. But combine our society’s love affair with garbage with the magical Christmas spirit and anything is possible.

So, this leaves me with a simple plea to the pop star that has forever tainted the American consciousness. It’s the plea of every child who grew up in the time when balls were not wrecked and halls were decked.

You already made us hate Halloween, Miley. Don’t take away Christmas, too.

(h/t to 98.9 WMMO)

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