Since nothing’s funnier than little kids around Christmastime, writer Drew Magary posted his 7-year-old daughter’s Christmas list on the sports blog site Deadspin and hilariously picked apart each item as only a dad who writes for Deadspin could.
It reads like any typical elementary-school kid’s list, complete with the plausible (“Saige” the American Girl doll, iPod touch), the unintelligible (“a black rist bange,” “a canape that glows up”) and the downright impossible (a little thing that can turn into anything at anytime).
This got us to thinking that we still haven’t really thought about what we want for Christmas. So, channeling our inner 7-year-old, we came up with a few ideas.
Because the ’90s were just better times.
A pet monkey
How this is not on everyone’s Christmas list is beyond me.
The complete Will Smith discography
Yep, the ’90s were pretty neat.
Rob Ford bobblehead
The perfect stocking stuffer.
Creepy Crawlers mega set bug maker
Seriously, if you didn’t grow up during the ’90s, then you really missed out on life.
A metal detector
It might be hard to track down a high-quality detector, but it’ll all be worth it once we find that buried treasure in our backyard.
A time machine
So that we can go back to the ’90s.