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Thereʼs no telling how long the government will be closed, but that might not be entirely awful. Let’s face it, a lot of what they do is pretty much useless. Here are a few things that can just stay closed forever as far as weʼre concerned.

1.) Department of Education


Why is the federal government involved in the education of our kids? This should be handled at a very local and family level, not through the ridiculous bureaucracy that is the Department of Education. The GOP used to actually run on the idea of abolishing the entire thing, but sort of gave up during the No Child Left Behind years. It’s time to bring it back, guys.

This department is so ridiculous that they’re able to furlough 94% of their staff during the shutdown. Stay home, Dept. of Ed employees. We’ll handle our kids education.

2.) The Equal Opportunity Employment Commission



Ah, the EEOC. We pay them to use the race card. Maybe the sexist card sometimes, too. Seriously, though, they blame racism for valid employment decisions all the time.

A full 95% of EEOC employees have been sent home for the duration of the shutdown, so we canʼt need them too much. Remaining staff are out in the field helping with EEOC claims. Whatʼs that, you say? That means that only local EEOC agents are necessary? We agree! Letʼs stop pretending this is federal and let state and local governments deal with discriminatory scum.

3.) Environmental Protection Agency


As weʼve mentioned before here at Rare, the EPA does some really ridiculous things, so letʼs make that furlough permanent.

The EPA has furloughed 94% of their employees. Sorry, EPA employees, it turns out we donʼt need you. We know that they respond to emergencies, but we have faith that local governments can cover that, and do it both better and faster.

4.) National Labor Relations Board



The NLRB is an organization which is, letʼs face it, pretty ludicrous. They donʼt really do much to disguise the fact that theyʼre just union shills.

As most of us could have predicted, the NLRB is 99% useless. Yes, 99% of their employees have been sent home until the government reconvenes. As Right to Work sweeps the nation, they will become even more pointless, fighting for unions that are gasping for breath. Letʼs just put them out of their misery now.

5.) Inspector General for Tax Administration



This one is a little different than those above. They have laid off around 60% of their employees, but we have a way to let the other 40% join their coworkers. We understand that the IRS needs somebody looking over their shoulder…what we donʼt understand is why we need an IRS. 2 birds, 1 stone. Boom!

6.) The Internal Revenue Service 


This should be a no brainer. The IRS is the bane of everyone’s existence. Their job is to enforce a tax policy that is entirely bloated, convoluted and unjust. We should not need almost 95,000 employees around just to figure out how they can take your money. During the American Revolution, we went to war for a tax off less than 2% on tea. Now we’re willing to let the government take upwards of 30% of our income every paycheck? Not only that, but they’ve admitted to using the IRS as a weapon against political opponents.

Simplify the tax code and everyone wins. Then we wouldn’t need to bring back the 85,764 – yes, 91% – of employees that are non-essential right now.

7.) The Federal Communications Commission



The airwaves police. This is the group that regulates radio, television, and pretty much all of the media we consume. Why do we need a government bureau to tell us what is offensive and what is not? Why should it cost networks over half a million dollars every time someone drops a curse worse on air?

It’s a dangerous business letting the government decide what is obscene and what is not. We’d argue that a lot of what we see on C-SPAN is pretty indecent, and no one is fining any of those guys.

Bonus: Federal Mine Safety and Health Review Commission



Yes, mine workers should be able to work in safe environments. This commission seems pretty redundant, though… don’t we already have a Department of Labor? Isn’t that what they should be doing? Also, we have Department of Health and Human Services. Should these fall into those categories?

Efficiency is just not their thing.

Tabitha Hale and Amelia Hamilton |