Gerald Hanks
In what has been a magical season for the Houston Astros, the team happens to have a voodoo expert in town ready to put the evil eye on the Bronx Bombers to overcome a 3-2 deficit in the American League Championship Series.
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The voodoo practitioner, who goes by the name “Absolem,” performed a “binding ceremony” at his shop in midtown Houston yesterday in an effort to confound and confuse the New York Yankees as they come to Minute Maid Park for Game 6 Friday night.
If the Astros win, the teams will face off in Game 7 Saturday, with the winner going to World Series to face the Los Angeles Dodgers.
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Absolem’s ceremony did not include stuffed dolls of Yankees pitcher C.C. Sabathia or outfielder Aaron Judge pierced with stick pins. Instead, he placed a list of Yankee players in a jar filled with cigar smoke. The ceremony also included rum, cigars, drummers and a live ball python.
“That smoke will cloud their thoughts, cloud their eyes, maybe misguage the ball, things like that. We guarantee results,” he told a local TV station. “It’s going to be a great day for the Astros.”
The Astros will need all the help they can get as they face Yankees ace Luis Severino in this elimination game. Houston will send late-season acquisition and former Cy Young Award winner Justin Verlander to the mound to keep their season alive.
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Despite inviting reporters to the ceremony, Absolem did not reveal if he could find a way to raise the Astros bullpen arms from the dead.
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