David Spade got absolutely wasted at Ellen DeGeneres’ 60th birthday party.

The 53-year-old comedian shared the story of his highly-intoxicated adventure during a recent episode of the birthday girl’s show “The Ellen DeGeneres Show.”

“Everyone’s been buzzing about [the party],” Spade began. “I got a fallout invite, which is great. … And oh, the celebs! … They were really packed in there like sardines. They were everywhere, and I bother all of them, as you know. I really get in their grill. I never have anything to say — it’s a real ‘nonversation.’ … They don’t know what’s going on.”

Then the name-dropping began as Spade started to brag about rubbing shoulders with some of Hollywood’s hottest celebrities like Kim Kardashian West, Kris Jenner, and one of Ellen’s “rapper buddies,” French Montana.

“He whipped out some medical marijuana — a big rolled up doobie of it,” Spade recalled.

“Now you’re talking about Diddy,” Ellen interrupted.

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“He took a hit — I know all the lingo, he took a pop off it,” quipped Spade. “And then he looks at me, and I go, ‘Yeah. Cause I don’t want to be like, a narc, you know?’ So I get it and of course I take the biggest hit and I cough [for] maybe 40 minutes. Like, classic. … Then I give it back and I go, ‘Hey, good batch,’ or whatever, I don’t know what to say. I try to be cool — I go, ‘Is that Hawaiian?’ ”

And then it hit him.


“Oh, boy. You know in those nuclear movies where it flattens everything?” he said. “My brain just went down and I was like, ‘Hello, darkness, my old friend.’ I was starting to space out a bit, because I was sort of in a half-coma.”

After a few awkward encounters, Spade decided to get the hell out of there.

“I didn’t really bother anyone else. I think [Leonardo] DiCaprio got away with a fist bump,” he said. “And I get in the elevator, which is lit like Ralph’s. It’s so bright, it’s like the produce section. I get out, go to my car, slide in, my driver goes: ‘You okay?’ I go, ‘Absolutely not.’ Think I got home, do not remember going home, and I’m still in the same outfit.”

“I saw you, but we didn’t talk,” said DeGeneres.


“I did see you — in fairness, I thought you were Justin Bieber for the first half hour,” said Spade as the host cracked up. “It’s only because of your haircut! Not what you were wearing, you looked great.”

We’ve all been there!

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