In an era full of creative face masks, why not let our furry friends join in on the fun? Sometimes they need face coverings too! And if you — for some nefarious reason — want to take the world’s most darling dog… and turn it into a freak nightmare, then great news! There’s a thing for that now! Thanks, internet.
These horrifying human face mask muzzles from the Novelty store AXAYINC are available on Amazon and they’ll be sure to make all the children in your neighborhood more afraid of dogs than if a dog actually bit them. Imagine if a mad scientist tried to fuse and human and a dog together and was drunk while he was trying to do it. That’s these masks. Take a look at this Tim Burton freak show!
Why would you do this to dogs? Why would you do this to the world? It’s a question with no answer. But if you do, indeed, feel like unleashing demons upon the innocent here’s the link that will let you torture us all.
Here are some other ideas to turn cute puppies into giant rat demons.
- Affixing a scorpion stinger with an actual razor blade on it to their tail.
- Giving them doggie Viagra so they have a fat, glistening red rocket shining like a stoplight all day.
- Pull their back or pin them down and hide them under a bald cap so it likes like your dog is terminally ill and has two weird, gaping holes in its head.
- A really ornate wine stopper, but for its butthole. Or, if you miss your dog’s nutsack, a butthole wine stopper with truck nuts on it.
- Little puppy shoes that make your dog look like it actually has no feet.
This is all a travesty but at least the masks do serve a purpose besides converting us to an anti-dog society. They do help prevent dogs from biting, chewing on stitches, eating unclean food, etc. And they’re also fully breathable and safe. So… at least there’s that.
Editor’s note: This article was originally published on June 17, 2019.