Baby Bird Uber Wildlife Rehabilitation Center of Northern Utah
a lesser goldfinch, was soon sent to the Wildlife Rehabilitation Center of Northern Utah

A good (and drunk) Samaritan found an injured baby bird on the sidewalk so he did what any good drunk guy would do: he got overly emotional and attached to the thing and acted accordingly. Fortunately in this instance that was a good thing. The baby bird, a lesser goldfinch, was soon sent to the Wildlife Rehabilitation Center of Northern Utah. Via Uber.

The man was too drunk to drive, but he needed to help out his new friend, so he ordered the little guy an Uber. An hour later the baby bird showed up the wildlife center to be treated for dehydration and a little malnourishment. The wildlife center took to Facebook to post about the baby bird’s drunken guardian angel.

You know who isn’t getting enough love here? The Uber driver. They turned their car into a bird ambulance for an hour and made sure the little baby bird, which looks more fragile than a porcelein doll, survived the entire time. That had to be a harrowing ride. Every pothole would feel like falling into a well. Plus what happens to your star rating if the bird dies? (Let alone your tip.) You probably just have to hope the guy who gave it to you was blackout and then report him to Uber for throwing a dead bird in your car.

Speaking of fragile, it’s a damn mircale drunk guy didn’t accidentally go full Lenny from Of Mice and Men on the bird. How many drunk people break their iPhones every weekend? A gust of wind could kill this baby bird. This guy probably should’ve been covered in infant bird innards and found the thing’s detached beak in his pocket like two weeks later. Really, truly, it’s a mircale the bird made it. Kudos to the man who found it for being kind and also being a gentle-handed drunk.

Watch: Everything You Need to Know About the African Grey Parrot

Rob Fox About the author:
Rob Fox is a writer, comedian, and producer based in Austin, TX. God made him left-handed to hide his own averageness from him.
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