A 75-year-old Florida man walking his daughter’s golden retriever near his condominium had his leisurely stroll with a good boy turned into a life and death fight when a gator popped out of a retention pond and locked its jaws on the dog, because that’s just life in Florida. Ancient blood-thirsty dinosaurs pop out of ponds and try to eat your best friends.
Buddy Ackerman wasn’t having any of that though. When the 8-foot (Jesus Christ) gator leaped out of the pond and grabbed Osi, Ackerman’s daughter’s dog, Ackerman immediately went into fight mode. Osi was on a retractable leash as Ackerman walked him around 5:30 in the morning, so it was still dark outside. Ackerman suddenly heard Osi whimpering and saw the gator latched onto the dog. He pulled on the leash before finally running up and kicking the gator in the snout repeatedly until the reptile bastard finally let go of Osi and slithered back into hell.
The dog did not suffer any injuries.
After taking the dog back home Ackerman called the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission’s Nuisance Alligator Hotline. (That’s a thing. There are so many alligator attacks in Florida that there’s a hotline dedicated to it.) The FFWCCNAH came along and removed the gator, so the dogs at that condo are safe. For now. For like a day. Before some python slithers along and eats… their owners, leaving the dogs to wander into the swamp before getting hit by an airboat being drunkenly driven.
Remember, if your dog is attacked by an alligator do the following:
- Rescue your dog by any means necessary
- Take your dog back home
- Come back to the body of water the gator inhabits with a weapon of your choosing
- Murder the alligator in cold blood
- Display the alligator’s mutilated corpse as a warning to other alligators
This post was originally published July 15, 2019