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Austin Public Sex Austin Police Department
Austin Police Department

A couple in Austin, Texas was arrested for having sex in public and their defense was, pretty much literally, “Oh sorry, we didn’t know we couldn’t pull down our pants and go to town on each other like drunk monkeys while cars drove by.” They said they didn’t know what they were doing was actually illegal. Frowned upon, sure. But illegal? It never crossed their mind, apparently.

The couple, 32-year-old Brittani Maxine House and 30-year-old Nikita Nickolayei Selivyorstov, were spotted having sex by, presumably, dozens of people. They were doing it under an overpass on Balcones Woods Drive in Northwest Austin. According to reports they were in plain view of the many cars that were driving by.

In the couple’s defense, traffic in Austin is terrible and infuriating and all they were really doing was lightening the mood a little bit. Who could stay mad after watching two insane people doing each other under a dirty overpass? All your worries and anxieties melt away and instead are replaced with laughter. With joy.

Both House and Selivyorstov have been charged with public lewdness, which is a Class A Misdemeanor because, obviously, getting weird and naked in public is very illegal.

Let this be a lesson to anyone else who’s out for a stroll with their lover, or even just a good friend. If your emotions and your hormones get the best of you, head back home and take care of your business there. Or maybe find some bushes or brush to behind and sort out your feelings about each other. But whatever you do when the sudden urge to bone overwhelms you, do not take off your clothes and start going at each other right there under an overpass. Because people will see you, they will call the police, and you will go to jail.

Because fucking in public is, in fact, illegal.

Watch: Man Does Yard Work Naked, Neighbors Complain, Cops Say It’s Legal

Rob Fox About the author:
Rob Fox is a writer, comedian, and producer based in Austin, TX. God made him left-handed to hide his own averageness from him.
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