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Baboon Escape Twitter/@9NewsSyd
Twitter/@9NewsSyd

A baboon who suspected something was real up and that it might never again be him escaped with two of his lady friends while he was being driven to his vasectomy.

The baboon, which was on its way to have its manhood forcibly retired at the Royal Prince Alfred Hospital in Sydney, Australia, escaped from its crate due to a faulty lock according to Brad Hazzard, the health minister for the state of New South Wales and namesake for a C Tier Marvel villain from the Outback.

Riding with the male baboon were two female companions who, according to reports, were there to “keep him calm,” which is sort of like showing a death row inmate a PowerPoint presentation of all the cool stuff in the future and priceless family moments he’ll miss because he’s being executed, but okay.

The 15-year-old baboon was scheduled for a vasectomy because they no longer wanted him breeding so that he could retire happily and live out his days eating fruits and napping instead of fighting other baboons from his troop in suburban Wallacia to the death for the right to mate with a female 10 years younger than him.

Fortunately for hospital workers and the authorities, the baboons didn’t make too much trouble once they got out. They mostly just wandered around the hospital grounds and scouted things out. Plus the baboon probably wanted to feel the fresh air, grass, and tree bark on his testicles just one more time before saying goodbye.

Experts from the Taronga Zoo were eventually called in to tranquilize and catch the baboons, which they did after the animals were cornered by local authorities. So at least that baboon got to go under the knife believing he had the most important testicles in the world.

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Rob Fox About the author:
Rob Fox is a writer, comedian, and producer based in Austin, TX. God made him left-handed to hide his own averageness from him.
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