Colbert donned his furry dictator’s hat and laid down the law on dull stories, vaping and destination weddings

“Late Show” host Stephen Colbert knows what makes a strong leader — a big furry hat. If you want to stand on a balcony and exercise authoritarian powers over the citizenry, you’d best have a snazzy piece from the haberdashery ready. How else can anyone tell a weak leader from a strong one? Colbert has the biggest, furriest hat you’ve ever seen, and once he’s put it on, his words are law. With an imposing drum beat in the background, Colbert holds court

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In this address, Colbert issues a number of welcome edicts. firstly, any time someone at a party says they have something interesting to share, the thing has to actually be interesting. We can all get behind that law. He then goes on to proclaim common sense laws about keeping track of the household’s good scissors, vaping, destination weddings in Cleveland and more.

The hat has spoken, and there shall be no more debate.