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‘Cooter’ and ‘The MILF’ Among Arrested in Massive Meth Ring Bust Butler County Jail
Butler County Jail

A massive meth bust in southern Ohio netted authorities a whole lot of cookers, tweakers, spazzers, and ticklers, but two names, in particular, stood out to the law enforcement officials who executed the raids. A one Mister Christopher “Cooter” Staten, 40, and a Miss Terri Ard, Codename: MILF.

In all 28 people were arrested in this Ohio meth rodeo. MILF and Cooter were taken down for a conspiracy they were involved in from June 2018 until the present that involved at least half a kilo of methamphetamine, which doesn’t sound like a lot considering I’m pretty sure you can get twice that much at TJ Maxx stores in southern Ohio.

But we’re not here for silly things like “charges” or “due process”. Let’s unpack these nicknames! Cooter is funny because it sounds meth-y but as far as meth-related nicknames go it’s pretty basic. Cooter, Jethro, etc. should all be expected at a meth raid if anything. Wake me up when a guy named Trip Vanderbilt gets pulled out of a trailer in tighty-whities and a gas mask.

MILF, however, is a far more interesting nickname to dissect. For one thing, I don’t really think I’d like to fuck a mom who is involved in a meth conspiracy but I get it, the MILF is in the eye of the beholder. One also has to wonder if the nickname was earned in any sort of way.

Obviously, her looks earned this moniker but was MILF perhaps, at least in part, some sort of trailer park Famke Jansen from Goldeneye? Sexy muscle who’s both parts of the meth ring brain trust and able to dispatch of enemies at the same time? Using both her looks and her killer instincts? Perhaps in tandem?

That’s the world I want to live in.

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Rob Fox About the author:
Rob Fox is a writer, comedian, and producer based in Austin, TX. God made him left-handed to hide his own averageness from him.
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