Crochet shorts for men exists, peeps, and to be honest, I am not for it. Etsy shop LordvonSchmitt (heck of a name) is selling these handmade shorts, which come in a variety of colors and pretty much any style in existence. The new fashion shorts, which are produced 100 percent in the US, are made from recycled vintage afghan blankets, assuring each pair is a “unique, inspired creation.”
According to the Etsy site, the description states the crochet shorts are “stretchy and comfortable, warm yet breathable, eye-catching and vivid.” In the words of one satisfied customer, “they might be the best thing we ever owned!!.” Because apparently everyone loves to wear crochet shorts. Perfect for morning yoga or Sunday brunch. Prices on the sorts vary based on their style but can go as low as $70 and as high at $150.
And in case you were wondering if people actually buy these crocheted shorts, you should see the reviews on the website. It’s ridiculous how many people have commented that they love their pair. The shop, which is run by owner Schuyler Ellers, has a 5-star rating and nearly 2,000 sales…so maybe, just maybe, this is the new trend? I mean, I wouldn’t be surprised. I’ve seen way way worse!
The store also sells all kinds of crochet patterns items such as umbrellas, hoodies, overalls, crochet pants, and bodysuits. But between you and me, a crochet bodysuit seems highly uncomfortable. I can barely wear a romper without getting frustrated whenever I got to the bathroom, imagine wearing a whole crochet bodysuit! Yikes. I’d pee my pants before ever trying to get it off.
And in case you were wondering, yes, the store does take custom orders to please your fashion needs. All you have to do is message Ellers what kind of color scheme you like and know your waist size …just to make sure you don’t end up with crochet booty shorts.
I don’t know…some of these fashion trends are getting a little bit out of hand, ya’ll. Men’s fashion is way more complicated. You need to tone it down and just give us some regular shorts. No, not Jorts, shorts.
But, if you’re into these sort of fashion trends, then I guess I’ll support you. Who am I to tell you what to wear, right? You’ll be ready for Burning Man in no time.
Editor’s note: This article was originally published on May 21, 2019.