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Easter Eggs Porn Florida Woman (Flagler County Sheriff's Office/Flagler County Sheriff's Office)
(Flagler County Sheriff's Office/Flagler County Sheriff's Office)

A Florida woman who has been leaving weird, creepy, and deeply unhelpful care packages in the mailboxes of Flagler County, Florida residents has been arrested for her efforts.

The care packages were miniature in nature: they came in plastic Easter eggs, according to authorities. Inside the Fairy God-Perv of Flagler County left a single Goldfish cracker, one square of toilet paper, a powdered drink packet, and a crumpled up piece of paper with a pornographic image on it.

You know, the essentials.

Officers from the Flagler County Sheriff’s Office caught Abril Cestoni, of Palm Coast, Florida distributing the care packages after identifying her car as the one that matched the assailant’s description. Deputies say Cestoni started rambling incoherently about the church and the clergy when asked why she was handing out the care packages.

A few thoughts:

1. At least she isn’t popping into virtual math classes and getting naked 13-year-olds. (See below.)

2. This would actually be kind of funny if it weren’t for the fact that the eggs could very well be crawling with coronavirus. Spreading the virus isn’t cool! But weird, kind of crazy Easter egg gifts with pictures of ladies’ privates in them? That’s pretty funny.

3. There are a lot of pranksters who are going to get absolutely drilled by their poorly thought out Coronavirus related pranks. Police and judges are going to be way closer to zero-tolerance now than if you had, say, walked into a store five months ago and acted like you couldn’t get porn to stop playing on your phone while your buddy filmed it for TikTok or whatever. No one is in the mood anymore. They’re scared to death. Your attempts to be a hilarious influencer are somehow even less appreciated than before.

Watch: Man Hacks Into Public School’s Online Video Class, Shows Students His Penis

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Rob Fox About the author:
Rob Fox is a writer, comedian, and producer based in Austin, TX. God made him left-handed to hide his own averageness from him.
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