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Plastic Easter eggs in basket

A Florida man has been leaving weird, creepy, and deeply unhelpful care packages in the mailboxes of Flagler County, Florida residents and absolutely no one is thankful for them.

The care packages are miniature in nature: they come in plastic Easter eggs, according to authorities. Inside the Fairy God-Perv of Flagler County leaves a single Goldfish cracker, one square of toilet paper, a powdered drink packet, and a crumpled up piece of paper with a pornographic image on it.

You know, the essentials.

Sheriff Rick Staly says that the Flagler County Sheriff’s Office is working to identify the individual who left the care packages. He admonished them not only for their disturbing gifts but also for potentially spreading COVID-19 by giving out their little porno eggs.

A few thoughts:

1. At least the guy isn’t popping into virtual math classes and hanging dong on 13-year-olds. (See below.)

2. Or maybe he is. This could be the same guy, to be honest.

3. This would actually be kind of funny if it weren’t for the fact that the eggs could very well be crawling with coronavirus. Spreading the virus isn’t cool! But weird, kind of crazy Easter egg gifts with pictures of ladies’ privates in them? That’s pretty funny.

4. There are a lot of pranksters who are going to get absolutely drilled by their poorly thought out Coronavirus related pranks. Police and judges are going to be way closer to zero-tolerance now than if you had, say, walked into a store five months ago and acted like you couldn’t get porn to stop playing on your phone while your buddy filmed it for TikTok or whatever. No one is in the mood anymore. They’re scared to death. Your attempts to be a hilarious influencer are somehow even less appreciated than before.

Watch: Man Hacks Into Public School’s Online Video Class, Shows Students His Penis

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Rob Fox About the author:
Rob Fox is a writer, comedian, and producer based in Austin, TX. God made him left-handed to hide his own averageness from him.
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