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Florida Man Sidewalk Sex Pinellas County Jail
Pinellas County Jail

A 70-year-old Florida woman and a 60-year-old Florida man were arrested in downtown Clearwater, Florida for getting real gross with each other right on the sidewalk and in clear view of a 12-year-old child. It was a happy Thanksgiving for no one.

The child reported seeing septuagenarian Susan Roscillo on her back with her legs in the air and no pants on, masturbating Robert Kellogg’s exposed penis in public, in broad daylight on Thanksgiving Day. Kellogg later admitted to police that Roscillo had his penis in her hands multiple times and that the couple did have sex.

Meanwhile, Roscillo, who has a long record that most recently includes being arrested for an open container violation while wandering the streets drinking a Bud Light Cran-Brrr-Rita, refused to cooperate with police and screamed for a lawyer. (No word if she received Florida’s unluckiest public defender yet.)

You have to feel for that kid and their parents here. Even on Thanksgiving, you don’t get a break in Florida. At least a python didn’t burst off their toilet and drag him back down into the sewer, but that line of thinking is a bit too half glass full for this situation. Your kid had to watch to very old, very gross adults have some nasty sex on a sidewalk. If they’re lucky the kid has a dark sense of humor and thought the whole thing was hilarious. If they’re not, well, there’s a lot of therapy incoming.

You’d think in Clearwater a Scientologist van would have scooped this couple up and either brainwashed them or made them into whatever their version of Soylent Green is. Alas.

Both Kellogg and Roscillo were arrested on felony charges of lewd and lascivious exhibition and are being held in the Pinellas County lockup.

Watch: 20-Year-Old Arrested For Having Sex With Stuffed Animal at Target

Rob Fox About the author:
Rob Fox is a writer, comedian, and producer based in Austin, TX. God made him left-handed to hide his own averageness from him.
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