Female ‘Vampire’ — With Sickle Around Her Neck — Discovered in 17th-Century Graveyard

Halloween is still two months away, but there’s an awful lot of talk about vampires lately.

Apparently some social media users now believe Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock are vampires. A few years back a journalist went on to create her own list of “celebrity vampires,” saying she indeed had proof of this said theory.

Now, some on internet are convinced that Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock are none other than…vampires.

And now, some archaeologists apparently say a skeleton that washed up at a village in northern Poland say it must be that of a 17th-century female vampire.

Expedition member Magdalena Zagrodzka supposedly said this is the first such sighting in Poland.

“This is a unique find. There has never been anything like it before,” she said.

The First News, which reported the skeleton, then added some additional, hilarious information to its report.

“Unfortunates labelled as witches or vampires have since time immemorial been feared even after apparent death,” it said. “People have gone to extreme lengths to prevent them from returning from the grave.”

That’s some golden commentary. Or commentary made out of copper instead of gold, perhaps.

Vampires: A Closer Look

The article then quotes Professor Dariusz Poliński, someone who apparently led the research (?) team. He claims to be well-versed in anti-witchcraft practices.

“Ways to protect against the return of the dead include cutting off the head or legs, placing the deceased face down to bite into the ground, burning them, and smashing them with a stone,” Poliński insightfully added. “It was not laid flat but placed on the neck in such a way that if the deceased had tried to get up most likely the head would have been cut off or injured.”

Well, vampires or no vampires, we know whatever it is that scientists discovered in the Polish town was most definitely not Keanu Reeves. Or Sandra Bullock.