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Florida man in dog cage. Facebook/Ryan Cabrera
Facebook/Ryan Cabrera

A Florida woman practicing either misguided passenger safety methods or some extremely public dom/sub sexual humiliation play was pulled over in Polk County, Florida because a Florida man locked in a dog cage was in the bed of the Ford F150 pickup truck she was driving.

What was going on here? Fingers crossed for the public dominatrix angle, mostly because putting the man in a dog cage in the back of a giant pickup is one-hundred percent the Florida redneck version of a man being walked on a leash. Nothing screams “treat me like a dog” to that region like being questionably secured and endangered in the back of a speeding pickup truck.

But the Florida man and woman had to expect this was coming. It can’t be legal to transport another human being like this, even if they volunteered for it. It’s certainly not legal to parade a grown man, or any person really, around the Polk County’s roads while he’s fully erect, moaning (howling?), and showing off his o-face the whole area. Hopefully part of the arrangement was that the man agreed to pay the ticket. That would also be humiliating so why wouldn’t he?

The other options here are, who even knows? The man is being transported to face a trial by the county’s meth dealer tribunal versus a woman pulled over for having man in dog cage? The man was convinced he was a gator and kept trying to bite the woman so she threw him in a cage and is driving him back to the swamp? The man drunkenly confused the cage for his apartment the night before and the woman never saw him in there when she started driving the next day? Everything is on the table and almost assuredly the truth will somehow be stranger than the fiction guessed at here. (I am resolutely Team Shame Boner, though.)

Editor’s note: This article was originally published July 2, 2019.

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Rob Fox About the author:
Rob Fox is a writer, comedian, and producer based in Austin, TX. God made him left-handed to hide his own averageness from him.
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