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Florida Man Masturbate Walmart Winter Haven Police Department
Winter Haven Police Department

A Florida man has turned himself in for masturbating in a Walmart toy aisle after Winter Haven, Florida police circulated his photo online.

19-year-old Elias Alan-Arturo Flor is charged with battery and committing a lewd act in the presence of a child 16 years or younger for masturbating on a woman’s back while she was perusing toys with her 12-year-old son. The boy told his mother what happened but she was not able to chase down Flor. The woman proceeded to report the incident to the store and police, who reviewed security footage and released it to the public.

There has been a spate of toy aisle masturbation sessions lately and they genuinely beg the question, whyyyyyyyyyy?

Granted this could all be chalked up to mental illness and outlets like ours and others finding out that one of these stories hits so we start covering them every time they happen, making them seem more prevalent than they really are. (This answer has got to be the betting favorite.) But maybe these guys took enough MDMA to make an elephant orgasm itself to death, wandered into Walmart looking to get some water or a stuffed animal to hug while they cry tears of joy, and then boom the next thing they know they’re committing sex crimes. Probably not, but still.

Regardless of how it happened, going from an innocent toy shopping excursion with your kid to the world’s worst lesson in human sexuality is a nightmare. Most parents would probably rather their kid see someone get obliterated by a Pepsi truck in the parking lot than stand two feet away from an adult openly masturbating. A human being literally exploding would certainly (somehow) be a more palatable situation to explain than a why a human being was making themselves figuratively explode.

Watch: 20-Year-Old Arrested For Having Sex With Stuffed Animal at Target

Rob Fox About the author:
Rob Fox is a writer, comedian, and producer based in Austin, TX. God made him left-handed to hide his own averageness from him.
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