Rob Fox
A Florida woman with an overly gassy father was arrested for allegedly beating her flatulent patriarch because she could no longer stand the frequency and presumably also the smell of his farts.
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40-year-old Nicole Dozois was arrested for domestic battery and released without bond for her misdemeanor attack on her 59-year-old father, with whom she resides in Largo, Florida in the Tampa Bay area at around 2:00 a.m. The reason for the attack? She was tired of all his farting.
Responding police arrived to find the father with a bloodied left eye and his neck covered in scratches, allegedly from Dozios repeatedly punching him the face. Dozios has pleaded not guilty to her charge of domestic battery. The judge has, however, ordered her to stay away from her father in the meantime.
A couple thoughts:
1. Dads fart, okay Nicole? It’s what they do. I’m not a dad yet but my constant diet of tacos, beer, and chicken wings has made me a pretty gassy guy and I can’t wait to finally have the excuse of being a dad to justify my disgusting body.
“Babe I know I just made the room smell like a mass grave buried under whatever landfill Long John Silver’s sends their leftovers to but I’m a dad and that’s just what happens happy anniversary.” – Me to my wife at some point in the future.
2. That’s a hell of a “What are you in for?” story.
3. Again, as a proponent of body positivity (when it has a direct impact on how people perceive my body) we should all support this woman’s dad. We all have different body types, and some of our bodies are the type that pollute like a 19th century coal powered asbestos factory. LET US LIVE IN PEACE.
