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Sex Party Gun Stolen NBC2
NBC2

Who hasn’t been there, right? You’ve got twenty naked strangers in your house wearing Venetian masks and getting gross with each other on your furniture. At some point beforehand you were so moist with anticipation that, whoopsie daisy, you left your 9mm Glock sitting out on your nightstand. Recently divorced Deena from the pool was coming that night! How could you possibly concentrate on anything else? Between that and making sure the glory holes were ready it feels pretty understandable that you could let something like leaving your gun out slip your mind.

Plus if you can’t trust the two dozen people you invited over to have sex with each other, who can you trust?

We don’t live in a perfect world, though, and one Florida man found out that just because you’re accommodating enough to have almost two football teams worth of people over for a screw party doesn’t mean they’re going to reward your hospitality. He had his 9mm Glock stolen off his nightstand by one of his guests. He reported the crime to police but told them he wasn’t able to give them the names of the guests because he didn’t know them. He also couldn’t describe what the guests looked like because they were all wearing masks.

According to Sgt. Todd Smith with the Volusia County Sheriff’s Office the man claimed that pretty much everyone who came over to his house was a stranger. The sex party was advertised on social media and people were encouraged to bring friends. Just bring any hole or wang or what have you was the rule, apparently. And it turns out one of the people who showed up to the F fest was just as horny for a free gun as they were for the other guests. Way to ruin an orgy, you jerk gun thief.

Watch: TOP 6 SELF-DEFENSE HANDGUNS FOR WOMEN

Rob Fox About the author:
Rob Fox is a writer, comedian, and producer based in Austin, TX. God made him left-handed to hide his own averageness from him.
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