Actress Lori Loughlin, best known for her role as Aunt Becky on the shows Full House and Fuller House, has apparently accepted that she’s going to be doing time for her role in the college admissions scandal that was discovered and ultimately exposed by the FBI’s Operation Varsity Blues. Her husband, fashion mogul Mossimo Giannulli, is not facing any criminal charges. With some federal prison time staring the former Hallmark Channel superstar in the face, Loughlin has decided she needs to prep for the slammer. So she hired a prison coach.
What is a prison coach, you ask? Just like it sounds. They teach their (usually white, affluent) clients, who are hilariously unprepared to not be treated like they’re rich, about prison slang and how to defend themselves in hand to hand combat, which is going to be useful for Loughlin because there’s no way someone doesn’t want to be able to say they punched Aunt Becky in the face.
According to a Radar Online report, Loughlin’s coach is doing just that, schooling the future inmate on prison lingo and self-defense. No word on if he’s taught her anything about the best way to shiv a snitch and get away with it, or the exchange rate for cigarettes and the U.S. dollar.
This whole thing is absolutely worthy of relentless mockery but, let’s not kid ourselves here, if any of us a) were headed to prison, and b) could afford to hire a prison coach to let help us be able to prevent someone from stabbing us with a sharpened toothbrush, we would do it. Without a second thought. And we’d have zero regrets.
So, hilarious as this is, yeah, Aunt Becky, you definitely made the right move by hiring yourself a tutor. Ironically, though, this all could have been prevented if you’d have just hired your kids a tutor instead.