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Nude Beach Sex Flickr/Paul_Naturist
Flickr/Paul_Naturist

If things keep going the way they are, people are going to hump a famous nudist beach in Ibiza right back into the ocean, apparently. According to both geologists and biologists, excessive sexual activity is causing massive damage by eroding the nude beach Es Cavallet, which is part of the Ses Salines Natural Park.

Es Cavallet is one of the most popular nude beaches in the world. Ibiza is one of the most famous (and hardcore) party spots in the world. Maybe it was inevitable that the island would thrust itself into its own watery grave. A swinger’s paradise, it’s the Atlantis of fucking. Fucklantis.

The scientists who’ve observed the sexual annihilation of the once pristine beach say that the landscape, sand dunes, and unique geological system is being degraded. By people getting gross on the beach. All the sex has, among other things, uprooted plants on the beach’s famed dunes. That, in turn, makes the dunes more vulnerable to wind erosion. In fact, this isn’t even the only beach in Spain being literally destroyed by people who want to get drilled with an ocean view. Multiple beaches are suffering biologically and geologically thanks to no one being able to keep their stuff to themselves.

Biologist Joan Carles Palerm told the island newspaper Diario de Mallorca, “Free access like this is causing the breakup of the dunes and their structures.” The paper also mentioned that “protected areas of the beach are closed off with fencing but randy holiday-makers are jumping over them daily.”

This is, in many ways, a fitting end to Ibiza’s famous nude beach. You live by the sloppy, ecstasy and liquor-fueled sex, die by the sloppy, ecstasy and liquor-fueled sex. Human beings have been destroying the planet using our brains for so long, but Ibiza is no place for brains. It’s just for hands, mouths, and genitals. So, of course, the island is starting to be destroyed by dongs and clits. It just makes perfect sense.

Conservationists have had a lot of high hurdles to jump in order to save their protected sand dunes, but convincing shitfaced people on a luxurious party island to momentarily not have sex on the beach might be the highest yet. Getting rid of oil would be easier.

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Editor’s note: This article was originally published on July 11, 2019.

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Rob Fox About the author:
Rob Fox is a writer, comedian, and producer based in Austin, TX. God made him left-handed to hide his own averageness from him.
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