A Canadian man in a car that screams, “I would definitely park sideways across two handicapped spots and there’s nothing you beta male virgins can do about it,” parked across two handicapped spots recently and was called out for it on Facebook before ultimately being charged for the violation by police. The Facebook post showing his epic park job was shared over 27,000 times on Facebook.
The man, who drives a “Fuck You” orange Audi, now faces a charge of up to $300. According to police, he was apologetic when contacted and actually insists that he didn’t even park in the spot, but rather just pulled in to quickly make a phone call. He never even got out of the car.
This might be true. Maybe he was simply on the phone. If so, let’s guess what that call was about, shall we?
“Eyyyyy sup bro? Hold on lemme park real quick. It’s raining. Don’t wanna be talkin’ on the phone and wreck the Moist-Mobile know what I’m sayin’? Some cottage cheese smuggler piloting a minivan might go all menstrual and lose control of her Walmart grocery shuttle, and I won’t have the reflexes to react because I’m talkin’ to your dumb ass. Shit, there’s no spots. Eh fuck it I’ll just pull into the special needs spaces. So what’s up? What!?! NO WAY! You banged Karen? Bro does Kyle know? You can’t be ice fishing on another man’s pond. That’s our boy’s ex. Yo but how was it though? Was she wild? I bet she bucks like a moose. Kyle never showed me the nudes she sent him. That’s sick. What am I doing? Running to the store. Just grabbing some Molson. No man I haven’t talked to Stacy in a week. We hooked up and she was like ‘We should do this again’ but I was like ‘Yo why are you getting all up in my shit?’ Yeah she’s a psycho I think. I’ll prolly call her tonight. Anyway, I gotta go some boner is taking a pic of my car like it’s freakin’ Ryan Gosling. Peace bitch.”
That feels right, based solely on the car.
But really, who knows what this guy was doing. If all he did was stop to take a call — a safe thing to do in the rain, and also in general, by the way — then drop the charge. Still though, not a great look. Especially with that car.