The long and dark journey leading up the 2016 presidential election is finally over and, against all odds, Donald Trump is president-elect of the United States. A lot of people are having a difficult time coping with this reality, so one of America’s favorite comedians is here to help ease the pain with an ingenious new product. Or is he?
“Hi I’m Patton Oswalt and you’re probably feeling some uncontrollable rage. Now you can swallow the bitter results with Choke It Down,” announces the comedian in his best infomercial voice. You see, most people who hate Trump are having difficulty containing their screams right now. That’s where Oswalt’s genius voice muffler comes in handy. You can use it at home, at the office, and at Thanksgiving with your crazy family members. Choke It Down is guaranteed to absorb your screams of anguish.
But just when you think the best selling points are coming, Oswalt brings the faux-infomercial to a screeching halt!
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he says waving his arms. He then proceeds to unleash a spew of cursing so foul that it’s essential just blurs and beeps.
“We’re the f*****g beacon for rationality and intelligence. F**k this! All of it!” he screams with gusto.
Maybe Choke It Down isn’t so effective after all!