Robin Williams was a master of comedy who will live on in our hearts forever. And, thankfully, he will also live on on YouTube, for us all to enjoy his brilliance instantly.
In this hilarious clip from Williams’ 2009 stand-up comedy special “Weapons of Self-Destruction,” Williams’ breaks down the Olympics for the audience by pointing out some of the most absurd aspects of Olympic events.
Regarding gymnastics, Williams quips, “the uneven parallel bars is a little bit like horizontal pole dancing […] and who invented that event? Was it like some German at a playground going ‘here’s my idea for girls in tight clothing. I want you to put on spandex and then spin around on the upper bar then slam your vagina into the lower bar […] spread your legs and then dismount making it look like you had a good time.’ What! Weird!” Williams also adds, quite accurately, that after all this effort, with just one toe an inch out of line, you’re completely screwed!
Williams then moves onto distance running, claiming that his favorite competitors in the Olympic games are always the African distance runners because, “you never have to drug test an African distance runner.” After joking that somewhere in Kenya there’s a chicken who can run a marathon in under two hours, Williams tells the story of Abebe Bikila, a two-time Olympic marathon champion from Ethiopia. Bikila won the Rome Olympics marathon running barefoot and then was sponsored by Adidas during the Olympic games four years later. As Williams states, “he carried the fucking shoes,” instead of wearing them. “No performance enhancement there, no way,” he continues.
Of course, no segment about the Olympics is complete without discussing the swimming portion of the competition. For this topic, Williams truly outdoes himself by dissecting the super tight, full-body swimsuits the men wore to, in Williams’ professional opinion, “prevent nutsack drag.” According to Williams, as soon as you put that full-body condom on, “you’re a ken doll.” You get to the end of the pool .05 seconds faster. Why? “no nutsack drag.” From there, Williams moves on to talking about Michael Phelps smoking weed and why Frosted Flakes failed epically by taking him off the box of cereal given that pot smokers are probably one of their largest demographics.
Robin Williams at his finest!