Did you know that octopi are surprisingly smart? So smart that they’re potentially even self-aware, actually. Did you also know that octopi are living animals and thus are naturally disinclined to be killed or eaten? (To an extreme degree, in fact. They’re not into it.)
Unsurprisingly, a person who makes a living filming the inanity of their lives was unaware of this and suffered the well-deserved consequences of having their face attacked while trying to eat a living octopus for extra likes and views. Naturally, there’s a video of it and, of course, it’s wonderful.
The influencer is Chinese and posted the video to China’s version of Twitter, called Weibo, so there’s a decent chance her national social score took a hit because she was easily defeated by a cephalopod in front of a large audience, bringing immeasurable shame to herself and, therefore, The People’s Republic. It certainly doesn’t help that there are millions of Americans now laughing at it too. (As if one of our own influences isn’t going to get eaten by wolves in an ill-advised attempt at a Game of Thrones parody post.) Either way, it’s off to the battery factory with you, octopus eater!
I’m not exactly PETA when it comes to humans vs. animals but the octopus was completely in the right here. It was being tortured in the actual worst way possible. Humans are so scared of being eaten alive that we have an entire — and oversaturated — horror subgenre about it in zombies. (Two if you count vampires!) That’s how awful being eaten alive is. She’s lucky that thing didn’t mosey its beak on up to her eyeball and eat it like a grape. Again, it would’ve been deserved considering that she was trying to eat it alive.
I hope this teaches every social media influencer and vlogger a lesson. That lesson? You’re all terrible and deserve to be attacked in the face by an octopus.
This article was originally published on May 9, 2019.