When all other sources of humor have dried up, there will always be a few Amazon reviewers who are dedicated to making themselves laugh. Sometimes, we stumble upon one of the more ridiculous products on the site (like the yodelling pickle), where these keyboard comedians let out their funny.
The “sharp, provolone piccante cheese (whole wheel)” weighs 60 pounds and costs $1,078. But don’t worry, this isn’t your watered-down goat cheese; it’s made from cow’s milk and is a product of Italy. For The Gourmet, who sells the wheel, recommends that you drink Brunello di Monticello (which you can pick up for $39.95 on Peloton Imports) with their masterpiece.
A reviewer who claimed to be “Hortence” from “the Shady Grove Nursing Home” told a tale of him buying the cheese to share with his neighbor, Mr. Romano. Unfortunately, the story did not end well. Hortence blamed Amazon for the tragedy, saying:
“I believe that you should post a disclaimer on this product that you need a very large and sharp knife in order to cut through 60 pounds of Provocative cheese. I had to sort of saw at it. Part of the little plastic knife broke off and flew across the tray, hitting Mr. Romano smack in the eye. He jumped up, yelling that the Germans were attacking, and dove for the bunker. He accidentally knocked the bedside tray over and the cheese landed on his head.”
One user, who gave the cheese wheel five stars, channeled his inner Ron Burgundy, writing, “my dog Baxter ate the whole wheel of cheese before I could get to it. I’m not mad though. It was kind of amazing. I’ll buy another one next paycheck.”
Amazon user Emily wrote, “despite not being a whole wheel, it was worth taking out another mortgage for this delicious hunk of sharp, provolone piccante cheese.”
Dr. John M. Hoyt’s review is entitled “use caution – this cheese is very sharp.” He claimed that he “was cut very badly while attempting to enjoy this cheese” and suggested you “keep a first aid kit on hand while using this product.”
Another user couldn’t figure out how the wheel works, saying that he was “very frustrated” that the cheese, “did not come with manual and I can’t find one online except something that seems to be Italian. Without instructions this is impossible to figure out. Would return along with the 5 gallon bottle of Chianti I bought to accompany it, but the shipping is so expensive it’s more cost effective to put it in the back field as a cheese lick for the wild animals.”