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Dildo Tortillas Twitter/The State of Selling
Twitter/The State of Selling

A San Antonio, Texas woman just trying to make an honest couple of extra bucks by selling homemade tortillas has gone accidentally viral because she, apparently, is not up to date with the latest in dildo design.

The woman, named Peggy, began selling her produce on Facebook Marketplace. To help illustrate that her tortillas were authentic and scratch-made — and thus worth purchasing — Peggy included a picture of some freshly rolled dough in her post, with the rolling pin she used included in the shot.

Except that rolling pin was a big, honkin’ purple dildo.

Dildo Tortillas
Twitter/The State of Selling

And people pretty much immediately called out that Peggy was using an expert-sized sex toy to roll out her tortillas.

Whether in knowing denial or out of a genuine belief that she was using a real rolling pin, Peggy insisted to her disgusted and troubled potential customers that, no, this was indeed just a fun, purple rolling pin.

A rolling pin that also vibrated, she claimed.

Dildo Tortillas Texas
Twitter/The State of Selling

Yeah… that’s a dildo. It’s also labeled “Durex”, which is a condom and sex toy brand that has zero kitchen appliances in its catalog of products. It’s one million percent a dildo. And she used it to roll out her tortillas.

A few stray observations:

1. It’s fitting that this woman’s name is Peggy and that she’s from Texas because this feels like the plot of a King of the Hill episode. All she needs now is a husband named Hank to scream, “BWWAHHHH” when he finds out what his wife has been rolling her delicious tortillas with.

2. At least Peggy was so clueless about her “vibrating rolling pin” actually being a dildo that we can be reasonably assured the thing wasn’t pulling double duty.

3. Unless she bought it used at a garage sale or something and the person she obliviously bought it from was like, “What? A purple vibrating… rolling pin? Uh yeah sure. Five bucks.” Oh God… that’s what happened isn’t it. DO NOT EAT THESE TORTILLAS.

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Watch: Woman Agrees to Look After Neighbor’s Box of Sex Toys, Finds Severed Head Inside

Rob Fox About the author:
Rob Fox is a writer, comedian, and producer based in Austin, TX. God made him left-handed to hide his own averageness from him.
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