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Winter Weather (AP Photo/Rogelio V. Solis)
(AP Photo/Rogelio V. Solis)

The freedom and winter fun hating town of Wausau, Wisconsin has outlawed the throwing of snowballs, making the only thing left to do in Wausau, Wisconsin during the winter months drinking 20 Miller Lights and then passing out and hoping that you don’t wake up until May.

According to the Wausau Municipal Code, the snowball is classified as a weapon and it is illegal to throw it at any other person or building.

9.08.020 Throwing or shooting of arrows, stones and other missiles prohibited. No person
shall throw or shoot any object, arrow, stone, snowball or other missile or projectile, by hand or by
any other means, at any other person or at, in or into any building, street, sidewalk, alley, highway,
park, playground or other public place within the city. This subsection shall not apply to archery
ranges under the supervision of the park and recreation committee, nor shall it apply to the bow
hunting provisions within 9.08.010. (Ord. 61-5371 ‘ 1, 2008, File No. 93-0835; Ord. 61-5339 ‘2,
2007, File No. 07-0718; Prior code ‘11.01(2).)

Snowball Gun
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I get it. Snowballs can hurt people. No one deserves to randomly have a chunk of ice slam into their face. Or into their car while driving. But that’s already illegal. It’s just assault. You can assault someone with literally anything. Running up to someone in street and smacking them in the face with a pillow, like you’re in a pillow fight, is also illegal. So is shooting a random person with a paintball gun.

But when people consent to be hit by pillows and paintballs it’s legal. I’m not sure why this is a problem for snowballs. Snowball fights are the best. These types of games are just so much more exciting when you’re actively trying to avoid mild and sudden pain. That’s why laser tag is kind of lame. You get hit, but you don’t feel it. It’s the hurt that makes it great.

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The police department says no one has ever been arrested or cited under the law, but that’s irrelevant. Keep your laws off our balls! What’s next Wisconsin? Arresting people whose cheese farts are too strong?

Watch: Here’s Why a Cop Pulled a Gun on Teens Who Were Having a Snowball Fight

Rob Fox About the author:
Rob Fox is a writer, comedian, and producer based in Austin, TX. God made him left-handed to hide his own averageness from him.
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