Thanksgiving is weird. It’s a formal holiday, but why? It’s reverent but not actually religious, and it revolves around literal gluttony. The gluttonous meal is a nice one, sure. It’s not like family and friends are coming together over a table of frozen pizza, Taco Bell, and a family sized bag of Reese’s Peanut Butter cups, but 5,000 calories is 5,000 calories.
So why do we dress up? Why do we put on airs? Why shouldn’t I be comfortably dressed when I eat what can only be described as an immoral amount of food? I want to wear gym shorts and a shirt large enough for two men my size — not slacks and a button up. (Full disclosure: I also feel this way about every other day of the year.)
The point is, Thanksgiving is unnecessarily fancy. This is a national holiday, and one filled with almost as much drunkenness and as many accidental fires as the Fourth of July. We should be dressing like it. Like Americans. Slovenly, lazy Americans.
In the true spirit of this holiday comes something just as trashy and wonderful as getting wasted and shoveling food into your mouth as you spend the day watching football: Thanksgiving and turkey-themed lawn flamingos called Turkeymingos.
The creator, Pink, Inc., has a flamingo for every holiday, but nothing is more fitting a representation of what Thanksgiving has become than a trailer park decoration mainstay dressed up as something more understated and Autumnal than it really is. I want to fill my house with these. If you’re in one of those suburban neighborhoods where everyone decorates for every holiday, lawn flamingos dressed up like Thanksgiving characters is a must. You’ll be the talk of the cul-de-sac. The Hendersons and their big inflatable turkey can just go ahead and suck it once you whip out a flock of these bad boys.