Oktoberfest in Munich, Germany was probably started for some sort of at least semi-serious reason. Maybe. I’m not going to look it up right now, but probably. Regardless, all Oktoberfest really is now is a reason for common folk like you and me to imbibe beer, sausage, and pretzels until we’re about to burst — either out of our fronts, backs, or possibly even our middles if our stomachs and/or hearts reached a point where they were no longer handle the horrendous punishment we’ve needlessly forced them to endure and decided to simply just… explode.
Ultimately the festival is all about beer, though. We know that and so we realize then that the festival inevitably has a ton of drunk people at it every year. And that’s all the thought we give to it, really. “Yeah. There’s beer. People are drunk. Figured as much.”
But it’s so much more than that. It’s the difference between having fireworks described to you and watching a fireworks factory explode. It’s the difference between a man being like, “Obviously I know childbirth is painful” and actually having to shove a full-grown baby out of his butt.
Thankfully, Twitter user @MoristeEnMadrid has collected video highlights of Oktoberfest 2019 so that we can all see for ourselves what a magically depraved time the German festival really is.
First up is this highlight of German 20-somethings blasting rails of cocaine about as casually as possible, while sitting at their table, which is completely out in the open, as a server brings them beer. Somehow this is the tamest video.
Next we have this adventurous guy, who’s dead now.
Then there’s this. It just sort of happens.
And then this highlight, which really captures what the real theme of what Oktoberfest is now: random, drunken, wonton chaos combined with public urination.
Finally we have the Spirit of Oktoberfest gracing the festival with his presence, like Father Christmas riding his sleigh down the main street of a snowy town on Christmas Eve. But with his dick out, because beer.
Anyway if you’ll excuse me I need to figure out how to get my work to pay me to go to Oktoberfest next year so I can document/participate in this, um, revelry.