Aurora Starchild
Prince William has been decrowned as the sexiest bald man alive, after holding the title for two years straight. According to Reboot, an agency that researches Search Engine Optimization (SEO) and conducts silly studies, the new title holder is officially Vin Diesel. Why? Because of a range of factors, including how shiny his bald spot is.
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How the World’s Sexiest Bald Men Were Determined
While in the past these kinds of studies have largely been based on how many times certain hashtags or phrases are found online in conjunction with a person’s name, this year’s study took the topic seriously. Reboot used a formula that included the Golden Ratio of a person’s face, height, net worth, and how the person is regarded on Twitter. But most importantly, they looked at each bald man’s cranial luminance, or how shiny their heads were.
For contrast, the study from two years ago was conducted by cosmetic surgery specialist Longevita and was based on internet search results for the word “sexy.”
All of these factors were combined to create a score of 0 to 10, with 10 being the sexiest possible numerical score. The top 10 sexiest bald men alive are officially:
10. Mike Tyson
Score: 2.5
9. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson
Score: 3.62
8. Joe Rogan
Score: 4.37
7. Bruce Willis
Score: 4.75
6. Jason Statham
Score: 5.96
5. Prince William
Better work on your shine, Prince of Wales. You’re only the world’s fifth sexiest bald man now.
Score: 6.13
4. Pitbull
Score: 6.16
3. Shemar Moore
Score: 6.25
2. Stanley Tucci
Score: 6.33
1. Van Diesel: The World’s Sexiest Bald Man
Score: 6.46
The New York Post reports that “The study shows that [Vin Diesel’s] head is rather shiny, with a cranial luminance of 563.65 candelas per square meter, which means his head reflects light with 70.46% of the luminous intensity of a standard light bulb.”
Shemar Moore’s head was actually shinier, with a 71.85% reflection rate of a standard lightbulb. Remember: These scores were based on a variety of factors, including Twitter popularity and mentions of being “sexy.”
In the end, Vin Diesel was rated as the sexiest bald man due to scoring high on all prongs of the test.
Alright, bald and balding men. You might not be able to change your height, income, or Twitter following, but you can definitely work on your head shine! Time to start waxing?
