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Courtney Green DUI Ohio Woman Sandusky Police Department
Sandusky Police Department

An Ohio woman who likes to party is paying doubly for it. The state’s most irresponsible driver was on the way to a court hearing for a DUI when she was pulled over… and got another DUI. Because she was hammered. Courtney Green of Sandusky, Ohio registered a whopping .231 BAC after being pulled over by the cops. For those keeping score at home, she was basically driving with the blood of an Irish sailor on shore leave in New Orleans.

Oh, but it gets better. Green had her 2-year-old kid in the car with her. That takes this story from bad but at least kind of funny in a sad way to full-on despicable. This has got to end in some jail time, right? There’s nothing that teaches you drinking a Budweiser at 9 o’clock in the morning isn’t worth it quite like being forced to live in a place where showering is a daily exercise in subduing terror and panic attacks.

Naturally, Green failed every field sobriety test she was given, which is roughly as surprising as informing you that a Nebraska 3rd grader failed a Chinese language test.

Speaking of which, police also found an open bottle of Budweiser in the car. The incident is, of course, also being reported to child services, because a mother operating a motor vehicle when you’re braindead drunk with a kid in the backseat might pique some interests in those offices.

Let this be your most recent reminder that Uber and Lyft make driving drunk unthinkably stupid. It was already dumb before, but now it’s so easy to get a ride that only the absolute laziest and most inconsiderate of tools would consider getting behind the wheel after more than a beer or two. The lack of common sense the act now requires should bring into question whether the person committing the crime should even be allowed to own point objects, let alone operate a motor vehicle.

Watch: Man Does Cartwheel During Field Sobriety Test, It Goes As Poorly As You’d Expect

Rob Fox About the author:
Rob Fox is a writer, comedian, and producer based in Austin, TX. God made him left-handed to hide his own averageness from him.
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