Aurora Starchild
This actually happens more often than you’d think. For many, the holiday season ramps up their libidos. This can lead people to do crazy things, apparently. A UK-based gynecologist is sounding the alarm on this odd trend. She’s warning people to seek alternative options when considering masturbating with their holiday ornaments this season.
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Candy Canes and Glass Baubles Can Pose Serious Threats to Your Reproductive System
The New York Post shared two Jam Press photos of actual X-rays in which people were sent to the hospital after getting a little too jolly. One shows a woman with a candy cane lodged in her upper uterus. Another shows a massive glass ball ornament stuck in a person’s rectum.
Dr. Sarah Welsh, a gynecologist and co-founder of Hanx condoms, spoke with NeedtoKnow.Online. She said that masturbating with Christmas ornaments poses several serious risks to a person’s reproductive health.
“It is not advisable to masturbate with Christmas ornaments,” said Welsh. “Christmas ornaments can have sharp aspects or pieces that can break during masturbation, which can cause soreness, the risk of trauma and are just generally unsuitable for your vagina.”
It’s not just glass and harder textiles that those who are feeling frisky should steer clear from. Welsh also warns against using holiday confections as a source of sexual pleasure. This is “due to the hygiene issues, concern about pieces breaking off, or the sugar content of items such as candy canes,” she said.
“Anything with sugar in it, such as Christmas confectionery, should also stay well away from the vagina as this disrupts the delicate ecosystem of the vaginal microbiome and can predispose you to vaginal thrush infections,” Welsh added.
You’d be surprised at what kinds of foreign objects people have sent themselves to the ER for. Everything from banana peels, Barbie doll arms, shot glasses, crochet needles, rotting produce (after it got stuck), and butt plugs made with Legos and duct tape have caused many embarrassing emergency surgeries.
There Are Alternatives to Masturbating With Ornaments This Holiday Season
But if you’re finding it difficult to get your mind off of those shiny objects hanging from your Yule tree, fear not. There are options.
AdamAndEve.com has a large selection of holiday-themed adult toys, both for individuals and couples. They almost always have some great coupon deals on safe, easy-to-use merchandise that won’t send you to the hospital. However, you should always read the directions and try not to press your luck, like this woman.
And CafePress has another option, for those who are really struggling to not let their thoughts win. The website offers a “Jesus Is Watching You Masturbate” ceramic round ornament for only $11.99. But please, for everyone’s sake, leave it on the tree.
