Unless you’re a resident of Hawaii, Florida, or some other perpetually warm, beach adjacent area — or you can be accurately described as a “disciple” of Jimmy Buffett — your wearing of flip-flops is limited to vacations and a trip to the pool. And if you’re a man over 40 it should be limited to never. Keep your mangled, unkempt, stubby leg claws hidden, you animals.
Women have more leeway because unlike their disgusting male counterparts they by and large take care of their feet. Their toes generally don’t look like they belong to a mountain troll that escaped an angry mob of villagers but not before they got burned a little bit.
Still, there’s a time and place for flip-flops, and that time and place is not, “Always and anywhere.” These flip-flop socks on Etsy, however, beg to differ.
Basically, these are just yoga socks, but a few clever Etsy users have decided to start marketing them as flip-flop socks, presumably for the lady about town who hates wearing actual shoes, but also hates how cold her feet get when she wears flip-flops to go grocery shopping at Walmart.
This is a tough one to judge. On the one hand, more flip-flops aren’t really what we as a society should want or need. There’s a reason we stopped shopping at Abercrombie. On the other hand, it’s hard to root against someone trying to make some extra money with their own creativity. It’s not like they’re selling homemade landmines to keep neighborhood dogs from peeing on your lawn.
Screw it. You want to wear flip-flops all day, every day? Go for it, ladies. Buy your flip-flop socks and live free whether it’s summer, spring, winter, or fall. Just do us all a favor and discourage any men in your lives from doing the same.
This post was originally published on January 1, 2019.