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Jeados Jeans Speedos YouTube/Shinesty
YouTube/Shinesty

Hey guys, have you ever had the urge to dress for the beach like you had a part in a porno you were forced to do under financial duress? Great news. Put those scissors and that old pair of jeans away and discover the future of swim trunks. Shinesty is here with the Jeado. If cutoff jeans and a Speedo hooked up the Jeado would be their unholy, aggressively American offspring.

Designated as a “swim brief” solely because it’s a bit much to just come out and call it a “denim dong hammock”, the Jeado is to bathing suits what bubble gum flavored meth is to drugs. And it’s taking the brief world by storm. (Even though, sadly, it’s technically a denim print swim brief, which means it only looks like it’s denim.)

The denim swimsuit is available for purchase at Shinesty.com just in time for summer, so that you can call way too much attention to your junk at beach parties, mid-day Las Vegas pool parties, or more likely, your nearest public pool. (The Jeados are the perfect swimming suit to wear when eating a bag of chips in the pool around strangers.) Maybe even ruin some beautiful places like Hawaiian beaches, the south of France, or a beloved local freshwater swimming hole. For optimal results be sure to do that hands on hips, forward hip thrust arching back stretch.

Make every day the day your neighbors hate you and combine these bad boys with a new above ground pool in your backyard!

Shinesty Jeados

No one is going to be staring at the American flag when you show up to a Fourth of July party in your new, skin-tight, junk smothering Jeados. Make your groin the real fireworks display this summer.

Watch: 9 Gourmet Hot Dogs Made to Impress for Your Fourth of July Cookout

Rob Fox About the author:
Rob Fox is a writer, comedian, and producer based in Austin, TX. God made him left-handed to hide his own averageness from him.
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