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109 year old woman ABC/Fox Montana

A 109-year-old Montana woman once again celebrated her birthday at the popular Big Sky Country restaurant chain, Montana Club. The centenarian wasn’t there for the Montana Club’s Cadallic Margarita or Caramel Bacon Cheese Curds (in part because eating the latter might kill her). No, rather, Helen Self was once again dining at the Montana Club to take advantage of their generous birthday discount. So generous, in fact, that they pay her to eat there.

The Montana Club has a unique birthday special. Whatever your age is, that’s the percentage you get off your bill. So by the birthday laws of Montana Club, Self, who was born in 1909, gets 109% off of her tab. In other words, she gets money back for dining there.

Because Helen Self is a good and decent woman, she elected not to drink 20 beers while running up a $500 tab, as I would have done. Even at 109. I’d have done it. I’m going to live to at least 101 now, just to do it. I swear to God if Montana Club goes out of business before then I’m going to be pissed.

Instead, Helen had a nice dinner and, when presented with her money back by the restaurant’s owner, Nick Alonzo, she kindly returned it and kissed him on the cheek.

Again, much better human than me. I’d have drunkenly snatched the money from the owner’s hands, called an Uber, passed out at home, and then proceeded to finally die the way I always knew I would: from a hangover.

When asked what the secret to her longevity was, Self-said, “Genetics. This is all a lottery, you idiots.” (Just kidding. That’s what drunk me would have said.) What Self actually claimed helped her reach 109 was hard work and celebrating life. Probably true!

Go get ten percent back next year, Helen.

Watch: Which Birthday Cake Recipe Pairs with Your Birth Month?

Rob Fox About the author:
Rob Fox is a writer, comedian, and producer based in Austin, TX. God made him left-handed to hide his own averageness from him.
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