Take your family’s dinner table out to the backyard. Burn it. Then go buy a trough, put it in your dining room, and fill that slop chute to the brim with Costco’s nearly 30-pound bucket-o-Mac and Cheese. There’s no point in fighting the future. We are self-aware pig people with magical tools powered by fire. We may as well dive headfirst into our destiny. Into these cheddar cheese buckets.
Costco, the store that insists that you feed your family like it’s actually a 70 person church cookout in Alabama, has a new 26-pound, 10-ounce industrial bucket of macaroni and cheese from the brand Chef’s Banquet. The macaroni & cheese bucket can serve 180 people and is available for delivery for $89.99 (shipping included) at Costco.com.
If you’re imagining a big bucket of wet cheese sauce and elbow pasta though, you would be wrong. The food isn’t premade. According to the Costco website, “The Cheese and Pasta are packaged in separate bulk Metalite™ pouches with oxygen absorbers, to protect the quality and ensure a long shelf life.” A 20-year shelf life, according to Costco. It’s the perfect mac and cheese for when that nuclear apocalypse hits. It’s the sort of comfort food that will make your bunker feel like home.
If a 6-gallon paint bucket of mac & cheese sounds convenient but maybe not quite so appetizing, fear not. Reviewers actually love the product. It has 4.7 out of 5 stars on Costco’s website.
User MimiO said, “Good Stuff! We bought this for our grandson. He was here the day it arrived. We opened it and made it. Very pleasantly surprised. I have made it a couple of different ways. You can’t mess it up. Have purchased it again, and will continue to use it.”
Presumably, when their current bucket runs out and if they’re still alive whenever that finally happens, MimiO and co. will be buying another bucket.
Embrace it, America. This is our future. At least it’s tasty.