Hi. My name is Rob. I’m a doughnut scientist. Self-declared, of course. Because this is the internet and people who have no culinary or film expertise call themselves food and film critics all the time. I self-identify as a doughnut scientist. Fight me.
These are the best doughnuts.
1. Chocolate Long John
I grew up loving these the most and as a scientist I consider that sound, objective reasoning.
Is it basically funnel cake? Yes definitely. A fried Twinkie is a beignet’s redneck cousin. But it really emphasizes the whole deep-frying part of the doughnut making process and for that it is a wonderous treat.
3. Regular Glazed
It’s delicious. Who says no to these? It’s also the most versatile to pair with other foods. You could do a chicken and waffles spinoff with these, or cut it in half and use it as a bun for a burger. Endless possibilities and also endless self-loathing when some monster brings these into your office and you eat three of them because you have no self-control.
A doughnut made out of croissant dough. I don’t care if it’s trendy hipster nonsense, it feels good in my mouth.
5. Chocolate Frosted Doughnuts
You know, the kind that are vanilla on the inside but have a frosted chocolate shell? Especially the mini ones Little Debbie makes, that you could eat thirty of before realizing what you’ve done to yourself.
6. Blueberry Doughnut
The actual dough this doughnut utilizes would put it in the top three but, I don’t know, blueberry is kind of underwhelming? It starts giving off muffin vibes. Cover it in raspberry jam or something instead. Cake these bad boys up.
7. Boston Kreme Pie Doughnut
You’ve got to really be in a mood for this, that mood being “willing to go into diabetic shock.”
8. Jelly Doughnut
9. Powdered Doughnuts
If you like eating chalk and those times you wake up after sleeping on your back and your mouth is completely dry this is the doughnut for you, you psycho.