Have you ever crawled out of bed on a Sunday morning, your head pulsing with the painful aftermath of last night’s mistakes and shots of whiskey and, barely able to see, think, or walk, stumbled over to the cold, three-fourths eaten pizza you apparently ordered the night before, shoved it into your mouth, and then fallen back asleep on your couch? If so, great news! You were being healthy!
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Healthy as in, healthier than doing all of that and then eating a bowl of cereal. Otherwise, you’re killing yourself with poison.
But yes, in fact, one extremely rad dietician says that eating pizza for breakfast is probably healthier than eating most breakfast cereals, which apparently aren’t very healthy because of all the sugar in them. God damn you and your lies, Reese’s Puffs Cereal! How could you just sit there and act healthy all those years!?!? HOW COULD WE HAVE KNOWN YOU WEREN’T!?
Chelsey Amer, a nutritionist based in New York, told The Daily Meal that an average slice of pizza has more fat and less sugar than your typical bowl of cold cereals, as well as more protein. In fact, a seemingly healthy cold cereal like Raisin Bran has 18 grams of sugar per serving, which is nearly your entire daily recommended amount of 25 grams. (Reese’s Puffs actually only have 10 grams of sugar, so the cereal named after candy is somehow healthier for you.)
The healthy fat and protein in pizza also make the pizza breakfast more satisfying, thus you will be less likely to snack between meals, likely lowering the number of calories you eat throughout the day. The lower amount of sugar means you won’t experience a quick sugar crash halfway through your morning (which you will then have to supplement with coffee, which will then lead to another crash, and you will repeat that cycle every day until you die).
Amer does note, however, that taking down a slice or two of pepperoni pizza isn’t healthy eating in and of itself though. (Breaking: Pizza Not Health Food.) It’s just a healthier breakfast than eating a bowl of sugar in the morning. She recommends cereals with nuts and oats, or Greek Yogurt with fruit. Protein-rich breakfasts, like ham and egg breakfast tacos, are also a good option.
Not a good option? Freakin’ Kellogg’s Raisin Bran, which is apparently the equivalent of eating a flaky bowl of ice cream for breakfast.