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reynolds hunger harness Reynolds

Strap in, you animals. It’s the most wonderful time of the year for American gluttons and drunks — the leadup to the Super Bowl. It’s time to start stocking up for the big game with pizza rolls, jalapeno poppers, potato skins, cheese bombs, bacon ball gags, and gravy enemas. While you’re at it, grab the newest innovation in piling an immoral amount of calories into your face — the new human feed bag from Reynold’s Wrap!

Have you ever thought, “Aw man, I wanna have a beer in both hands ‘cuz otherwise I won’t get blackout drunk fast enough but also I wanna be able to shovel nachos into my face hole without having to waste time putting down my beers.”? Great news. Reynold’s Wrap has legitimately invented a feed bag for people. They call it the “Reynolds Wrap Hunger Harness” and it is here to strap you into both your cheese slathered meal and a bullet train headed straight to the third level of Hell.

Reynolds Hunger Harness
We’ve reached new levels of fat. (Source: Reynolds)

The aluminum foil company’s hunger harness is a thermal pouch that will keep any Super Bowl snack you can dream uup warm on game day. You wanna make mini-burgers where the buns are actually huge boneless chicken wings drenched in habanero wing sauce? No problem (for the hunger harness, not your colon).

This wearable snack pack doesn’t just hold one hot food though. It’s got a section for every important game day snack. This food harness has a dip holder, a thermal drink holder for hands-free storage of your current beverage, the main thermal pouch, and a mesh side pocket you can toss pretzels in or something.

This thing is a babybjörn for the most precious cargo of all: bar food and alcohol. The Super Bowl Sunday feed bag is available at ReynoldsHungerHarness.com or, at least, it was. There are limited quantities and, currently, this wonderful abomination is out of stock. Keep refreshing that page though. The last thing you want at your Super Bowl party is room temperature Buffalo chicken dip. Obviously having it piping hot and sitting in your lap like it’s a baby kangaroo is the preferable option here.

Watch: THE ONLY SUPER BOWL RECIPES YOU NEED ON GAME DAY

Rob Fox About the author:
Rob Fox is a writer, comedian, and producer based in Austin, TX. God made him left-handed to hide his own averageness from him.
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