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27 Contact Lenses Doctor Removal

Upon a recent visit to the optometrist for what was supposed to be a routine cataract surgery, a woman in England recently discovered she was using contact lenses extremely incorrectly, according to a report from Optometry Today.

A “blueish mass” of 17 contact lenses has been discovered in the eye of a patient who was scheduled for cataract surgery.

The 67-year-old patient was unaware that the contact lenses were missing, and later told surgeons that she thought her discomfort was due to dry eye and old age.

Specialist trainee ophthalmologist, Rupal Morjaria, told OT that another 10 individual contact lenses were discovered in the woman’s eye following further examination at Solihull Hospital.

The operating team, which included an ophthalmologist with more than 20 years of experience, were startled by the discovery, Ms Morjaria explained.

“None of us have ever seen this before,” she added.

“It was such a large mass. All the 17 contact lenses were stuck together. We were really surprised that the patient didn’t notice it because it would cause quite a lot of irritation while it was sitting there,” Ms Morjaria elaborated.

The 67-year-old woman added that she may have to reevaluate other ailments she has been attributing to her old age, such as her bad back, before proceeding to take a hammer out of her purse and smash her spine with it.

Rupal Morjaria/© 2017 BMJ Publishing Group

There can’t be a single other contact lens wearer for whom this story does not cause significant discomfort. And by “significant discomfort” I of course mean, “Waking nightmares.” An alternate headline for this story could be, “67-year-old woman inadvertently cruelly tortures self via persistent, self-inflicted right eye trauma.”

This is how you interrogate terrorists, not make it so you can read your phone. The story said regular check ups would have been a way to prevent this but that really feels like an over-normalization of the problem here. “Regular check ups” at the dentist would also, presumably, prevent tooth loss, but if your tooth loss is due to the fact that you’re brushing your teeth with steel wool and industrial bleach, you should have an idea that you’re doing something wrong already.

This woman’s eye just goes to prove once again how weird the human body is. Its simultaneous extreme durability and frightening fragility is absurd to the point of fiction. You could light it on fire and drive it off a cliff and it could survive, or a bumblebee sting could kill it dead.

Most important of all though is how this woman was able to shove twenty-seven disposable contact lenses into her right eye. At no point did she think that was an odd way of using these things? Does she not have friends? You would think at some point she’d say something like, “You know the worst part about contact lenses? When you put your new one in on top of the old one and the old one doesn’t slide down into your skull right away. So annoying!” and then her friend would be like, “Wh… what? Oh, darling, that isn’t how contact lenses work. You need to go to the doctor right away.”

This lady’s next gynecologist visit might turn out to be a horror show.

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